lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
