she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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