Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
