The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
