no, he came in my armpit
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
