aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
