I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
