Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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