$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
