I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
