I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
