You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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