Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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