Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
