I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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