Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
