we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
