My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
