I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
