Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
