she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
