I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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