How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want to make out with him forever
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
