Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
