apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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