its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Welp...herpes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
