Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
