everyone is single if you try hard enough
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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