She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
bring money and cleavage
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
