hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
