i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize