i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
