Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
