you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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