Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's get the cat blown out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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