I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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