All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
