also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
