I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
