Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
