I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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