Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I could make wine with my vomit
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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