Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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