only you would photoshop your dick
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
