obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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