I didn't shave. On purpose
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
