i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
