I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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