Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
