we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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