dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
