omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize