This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
