I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
