After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This baby is an asshole
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
