GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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