Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
