your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize