Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
