see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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