I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
