I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize