ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well you can't waste a boner
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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