"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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