i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dick very happy bro
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
