I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
