Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
