Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
